


And it will hurt, but I'd be glad to take the pain away

by aifukola



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Angst, Depression, M/M, Not Happy, Self-Harm, You Have Been Warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-11
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-04-14 04:38:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4550766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aifukola/pseuds/aifukola
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Where Takao has major depression and Midorima is struggling to be good to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And it will hurt, but I'd be glad to take the pain away

**Author's Note:**

> If you're not looking for a massive amount of angst right now, please turn back. The rating is for the angst, not smut. If you seriously are not here for the angst and self hate, leave. This is not a happy story, it won't have a happy ending. Heck, it's doesn't even have an ending, it just... ends.

Midorima was heading over to Takao's place. They had been going out for few months now, but this was the first time Midorima went over without asking Takao.

Midorima knew Takao had been fighting against depression for a long time now. But he never before had seen what it's like at worst.

Midorima opened the front door with the keys Takao had given him and stepped inside.

"Takao?" Midorima asked while taking of his shoes. No answer. Midorima walked deeper into the apartment. "Takao?" he asked again. This time he heard a thump from the bathroom. He headed towards the bathroom door, but before he got a hold of the door knob, the door opened. Takao's head peeked out of the doorway.

"Ah, Shin-chan..." Takao looked kind of embarrassed as he greeted Midorima. "This is kind of a bad time..." he said still not opening the door further. "Could you... wait at the living room. I'll be right out."

"Okay." Midorima said, turning away to go to the living room.

Midorima waited ten minutes, but Takao hadn't come out yet. He didn't hear and voices either. Midorima walked back to the bathroom door. He heard Takao sigh. Midorima opened the door without warning and stepped in.

Takao jumped two inches into air at the sudden noise. "Geez, Shin-chan, don't scare me like that." He said holding his chest.

"Sorry." Midorima murmured before he noticed the stage Takao was in. Takao quickly looked down, knowing Midorima had noticed. He was not wearing a shirt. He had lost weight since the last time Midorima had seen him without a shirt. He had new cuts on his left side, some bandaged, some bare. Midorima moved closer to Takao, crouching down to take a better look of the cuts. He traced his fingers over one. "Ow." Takao reacted quietly. Midorima retreated his hand from Takao's side. Then he noticed the sink. He stepped closer to it. It was full of bloody paper. Next to them were a big pile of drugs.

Takao knew what Midorima had noticed. "Ah... This is why I said it's bad time for you to be over." he said trying to sound sorry, but ending up only sounding indifferent.

"Takao..." Midorima whispered. "Why..?" He thought he was so quiet that Takao wouldn't hear him, but the shorter answered.

"Well..." Takao scratched back of his head. "Because I'm not suposed to be alive anymore, I guess." He said. Midorima didn't know what to say he just stared at Takao, not believing what was going on.

Takao didn't like the silence so he continued. "This wouldn't have been the first time actually. I've been trying to kill myself many times, I just don't know why I'm always interrupted." The corner of Takao's mouth twisted into a painful but amused smile. "Like now, you came to stop me before I could do it."

Midorima woke up to the reality seeing Takao smiling painfully, tears running down his cheeks. "No." He whispered, feeling tears running down his face too. He took a step forward closer to Takao and held the smaller man is his arms like the fragile thing he was.

Midorima held Takao like that for a long time. Finally Takao said. "It's fine now, you can let go."

Midorima didn't budge. Takao sighed and pushed Midorima a bit further.

"Can't you see I'm smiling, I'm fine already." Takao said a weak smile on his face, tears silently running down his face.

Midorima's heart felt tight. New tears forming in the corners of his eyes too. He moved closer to Takao and took a hold of his hands. "I can see you're not." he whispered while stroking his thumbs over the older marks on Takao's wrists. "It's fine, I'm here for you."

"If there's something you need or want, I'll do my best to make you feel better." Midorima said quietly stroking Takao's hair.

"For now a knife would be nice." Takao said, broken smile forming on his face. "Just kidding." Takao said, turning his head the other way so Midorima couldn't see his face.

Midorima's control over his face broke down and tears started flowing down his cheeks. He hugged the other tightly, listening to his still beating heart. "Takao... don't."

"Yeah, sorry." Takao whispered with a hoarse voice, buried his face on Midorima's chest and clumsily clung to the back of his shirt.

"Hey, do you want to do something?" Takao asked after a while.

"Like what?" Midorima asked, pulling out of the hug but still staying close.

"I have new magazines I want to read. And I think there is a book or two laying around if you want to read." Takao suggested, sounding a bit more like his usual self.

"Okay." Midorima said, letting Takao slip out of this arms. Midorima followed Takao out of the bathroom, but didn't follow Takao any further.

Takao came back with a book. "Here, I think you haven't read this one yet." He gave the book he was holding to Midorima. The taller wasn't paying any attention on the object he was given, but he followed Takao to sit on a couch.

Takao slid down to the floor. Sitting in front of the couch, he turned the pages of a magazine laid down on the coffee table.

They sat like that for a while. Midorima started reading the book he was given. He actually found the beginning quite interesting.

After a while he saw from the corner of his eye Takao putting down his magazine and getting up, heading to the kitchen. He heard a drawer opening, clinking, and drawer closing. Next he saw Takao heading to the bathroom. Midorima quickly caught up to Takao and took a hold of his hand and the knife Takao was holding. Takao let go of the object without resistance. Midorima put the knife away on the edge of a table.

"Don't be mean, Shin-chan." Takao tried to say on a light, cheerful voice but it broke down. Takao looked down to their entwined hands.

"You know it doesn't help." Midorima said taking a better hold of Takao's hand.

"But it does." Takao assured, looking up to Midorima's eyes. "It does for a while." Midorima was pained of Takao's seriousness.

Midorima wanted to say something along the lines 'don't do this to me', but he couldn't bring himself to say something that might make Takao feel guilty. In the end he whispered "Please don't." and hugged Takao firmly for a long time.

"I'm sorry." Takao's voice was more silent than a whisper, but Midorima managed to catch it.

Later they watched TV for many hours, Midorima holding Takao on his arms the whole time.

"I'm staying the night today." Midorima said. Takao was silent for a while but then he answered. "Yeah."

Midorima came out of the bathroom, ready for bed. When Midorima got to the bed, Takao was already silent under the covers. "Are you sleeping?" Midorima asked quietly.

"Mm." Takao mumbled quietly. Midorima took a hold of Takao's shoulder and turned him over. Tears were running down Takao's face again. A sight Midorima wanted to see no more. He wiped away the tears from Takao's cheeks. "Don't cry, please." Midorima begged. He lied down next to Takao, still stroking his face. Takao closed his eyes. They stayed like that for a long while until Midorima was falling asleep.

"I love you." Midorima whispered sleepily before falling asleep.

When Midorima woke up in the morning, the bed next to him was missing a person. Midorima quickly got up and ran out of the bedroom. He was stopped by the breakfast noises and smells from the kitchen. His heartbeat calmed down a bit, and he walked into the kitchen.

"Oh, good morning, Shin-chan!" Sincere cheerful smile greeted him.

Midorima couldn't comprehend the change Takao had gone through since last night. "Morning." Midorima murmured still a bit out of it.

"Here, Shin-chan." Takao said, lowering down a mug on the table. "Have some coffee so you'll wake up." Takao said cheerfully.

Midorima quietly sat down and took the mug presented to him. He took a sip of the coffee.

Takao hummed as he finished making the breakfast. "Here." He said smiling widely as he put down a plate full of pancakes.

Midorima smiled weakly at Takao.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm laughing, I'm sorry about this. This actually was supposed to a happy fic, but well, this kind of became a way for me to deal with my own feelings, so this is what you get. Sorry. I know I can't even write lol.


End file.
